Grocery Shopping Is Serious Business

For real. Think about it: You are all that stands between your family and fast food or pre-cooked, frost bitten pot pies. (Not that there’s anything wrong with frozen pot pies, except that I got food poisoning from one once and they’re the devil.) It’s up to you to fill your loved ones’ bellies with nutritious, tasty sustenance without draining every last nickel from your bank account, which gets harder and harder, even if you aren’t opting for organic, free range everything. Sh*t’s gettin’ expensive. My favorite thing to bitch about is the cost of shredded cheese, which I clearly remember being $1.22 a bag when we first got married and is now up to $2.39* (I cleaned out my purse so I don’t have any recent receipts, but that sounds about right…). And don’t even get me started on milk. Why is the 2% the same price as the whole now? It makes me want to buy whole and dilute it myself. Except that that sounds like work and I try to avoid that at all costs. Dairy Pirates. (And yes, I know that the price of gas affects the price of milk and all of it’s offspring, but that does not make me feel less insulted.)

So anyway, grocery shopping. I take it seriously, I’m good at it, and I love it. Why can’t I get paid [not in Sonic drinks] to do this? It’s hard work (ugh, that word again!). I like what Ninja Mom had to say about it in her post (especially the part about unicorns and higher education). It’s true, though. You don’t just go in like “La la la. Ooo, mangoes! Mmm, Lil’ Smokies! Right on, peppermint schnapps!” and come out with things that will make anything other than digestive trouble. You have to scrutinize each item based on it’s nutritional merit and it’s cost. Not to mention having to make sure the dog also has food, the trash can has bags and there’s enough Excedrin PM to get through the week. You have to have a plan. Or, in my case, a two week meal plan, a list of ingredients- in order of their place in the store with annotations for things that may be bought at Dollar Tree or Sam’s for less- and my favorite technique, the bump. For every item I place in my basket I write down the price rounded up to the next dollar. I come out with my list looking all Beautiful Mind with columns of numbers all over it, but it works. I’m never surprised when I get to the register, and the final cost is almost always below what I estimated. The bump takes care of the tax, so there’s no OMGIDon’tThinkIHaveEnoughCash! panic at the register. The trick is to add those extra cents even for something that is .25 cents, because it will add up and compensate for that roast that cost $9.99.

Wow. That was way too much like math. I’m going to wash my mouth out with coffee and get started on:

  • Making more coffee!
  • Shower
  • Make-up
  • Hair
  • Clothing (even if I am going to Wal-Mart…)
  • Fine tuning of the grocery list
  • Go pay electric bill
  • Go get Sonic drink
  • Go to Sam’s
  • Get gas
  • Get nails filled
  • Go to Wal-Mart
  • Go to Dollar Tree
  • Come home and unload car
  • Put away cold stuff
  • Watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on DVR
  • Put away other stuff
  • One load of absolutely necessary Laundry
  • Unload dishwasher
  • Reload dishwasher
  • Make sure Pinterest is ok
  • Start supper

Almost forgot to pencil in some vodka in there somewhere.


5 responses to “Grocery Shopping Is Serious Business

  1. YES! Have I told you lately how much I love your blog? And you, of course. I’m uber disappointed that we didn’t get to hang last week. Seriously.

  2. Thank you, my dear! And also, I know, right?! But we’ll be in town again in like two weeks. We will have to at LEAST go grab some coffee and discuss the questionable attire of passers-by. : )

  3. ” Iā€™m going to wash my mouth out with coffee”

    THIS is a damn good plan.
    And yes – next time I gripe about grocery shopping, I am going to let Loverly Husband read this so he can understand šŸ˜‰

    Also, I love that you add things like ‘playing X-Box’ and ‘watching TV’ to your to-do list. It’s very honest, LOL.

  4. Ah, groceries. I love list making and menu-planning and coupin clpping and I get to do too little of it because, hey, kids. Amirite?

    Thanks for the shout out. I’ll be stealing your bump plan, thank you. I’ll fir it in right after Angry Birds on my to do list.

  5. @ h- Well, Honesty is a virtue, right? Or is it Make Shit Up & Go Shoot Zombies? I forget.

    @ Ninja Mom- Thank you!!! I’m super excited you swung by! I’m still new to the mom blogosphere and wasn’t sure what the standard operating procedure for linkage was. Glad you didn’t cut me for linking without asking first. : D

    Also: Dude…. the Christmas Ornaments. I am so stalking your blog now.

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