Monthly Archives: December 2011

Aaaaaand We’re Off!

I got Bootsie bathed, brushed and off to school early this morning so I could have a little extra time to get stuff done (and blog, obviously). Thanks to the help of The Husband, the house looks fantastic, except for a few stray dishes in the kitchen. There’s really not much house work to do, which makes me kind of wish we didn’t have any place to go and I could pull off a few more hit jobs in Steelport. But the weather is superb- as long as I don’t think about the fact that it’s almost Christmas and I’m wearing short sleeves- and I’m excited to go to Florida. I haven’t been there since I was Shelby’s age, and she’s never been because she’s still new, so this should be lots of fun. Oh, and speaking of her newness, she lost her front tooth! The other one is wiggly, so I’m really hoping it will come out before Christmas. I am dying to make her sing the song! I may have to take things into my own hands while she sleeps. Because that wouldn’t be traumatizing at all. I wonder how many people there are with tooth fairy phobias?

If the tooth fairy looked like this, though, I’d let him traumatize me all he wanted.

 I can smell the brewed coffee and feel the dirty Get To Work look I’m getting to the back of my head right now, so I’ll gaze at The Rock for a 3 more seconds, post my list and be off. I’ll try to post a little somethin’ tomorrow from my phone. No promises, though. If I don’t see ya, have a great weekend!

  • Coffee
  • Shower
  • Hair
  • Make-up
  • Clothing
  • Pack toiletries
  • Finish packing Dustin’s suitcase
  • Pack dog stuff
  • Unload dishwasher
  • Reload dishwasher
  • Wipe counters
  • Wipe sink
  • Clean out coffee pot
  • Take out trash
  • Go to Wal-Mart for last minute gift
  • Go to Kohl’s for Christmas party shirt
  • Go to Sonic for refreshment
  • Finish loading car
  • Load dog
  • Load books for trip
  • Pick up loin fruit
  • Au revoir, Slidell!


The Arrival of Edgar, And Preparations For Departure

A very nice title indeed.

So yeah, the guy in the Edgar Suit (the exterminator) is coming today, so in addition to all the things I need to do to get us ready for the road in the am, I have to finish up the things I didn’t do yesterday. I did get a good portion of that stuff done, actually. (Especially Xbox time, I rocked that one.) But then I went and made gumbo and bread from scratch, so now I have to re-do all the kitchen stuff, and that’s an extra load of dishes. We should have done cereal. The gumbo sure was good though.

As far as preparatory measures regarding travel, I totally forgot to finish one hand made gift that I’d actually been really excited about, which really sets me back. I was in the art room trying to organize the gifts for wrapping today, and came across a box of Nilla Wafers. For a moment I thought “Ooo, free Nilla Wafers!” But then I remembered, there is no such thing as free Nilla Wafers. They’re for my stepdad, and are supposed to go in a box that looks like it’s used for keeping manure. It’s for hiding cookies, which he likes to do. Don’t judge me, at least three people thought that was hilarious.

I did a Google Image search for a related picture, but then Google gave me this and I forgot what I was searching for.

In addition to all that, I have to carve out some time to leave the house and make copies of pictures of Shelby, to be framed and given as gifts- one of the perks of having an exceptionally gorgeous child, getting to totally cheap-out on gifts. It’s been a long life, so I think I’ll also get a Sonic drink while I’m out.

So anyway, there we go. Oh, also, I meant to add earlier but don’t feel like scrolling and editing,  that bread I made. It really is fantastic. And really simple. I’m trying to figure out how to have a category separate from the regular blog entries that I can dump tons of great recipes I use into, without disrupting the flow of the day-to-day blog. Once I get that down, I’ll let y’all know. Well, I must be off. A productive day to you all!

  • Make coffee
  • Laundry
  • Pick up kitchen
  • Wipe counters
  • Unload dishwasher
  • Reload dishwasher
  • Clean sink
  • Pick up living room
  • Fold clothes
  • Put away clothes
  • Make sure guest room is still intact
  • Move all garage sale clothes to guest room (trust me, there are a lot)
  • Make Shelby’s bed
  • Pick up our bedroom
  • Make our bed
  • Take out bathroom trash
  • Finish Charley’s cookie box
  • Get Sonic drink
  • Make photo copies at Walgreens
  • Wrap presents
  • Clean out car
  • Begin packing suitcase
  • Clean Francois’ hutch
  • Clean Mikey’s bowl

And Dustin’s adorable little list looks like this:

  • Pick up Wreck (Rec) Room
  • Sweep
  • Vacuum rug
  • Clean Henry

Equality ladies! The right to vote, wear pants and not wash the dog. I’m livin’ the Susan B. Anthony dream.

Back On The Wagon

Last week was one big perfect storm of holiday madness, mayhem and foolishness in my personal life, technical difficulties (such as our wireless network renaming itself and playing hide and seek) and WordPress ignoring me.

But here I am! Ready to start anew on this glorious Monday Tuesday morning! I even have a little somethin’-somethin’ in the works. A little project of mine that I’ve been putting together for all 6 of you. It is going to be *singing voice* aaaaaaaawesoooooome!

Aside from greatness in the making, what shall I do today, you ask? Why, thank you for your enquiry! Quite nice of you to take an interest in my goings-on, quite nice. [You can hear the mid-atlantic accent and the monocle, yes?] Indeed. Tallyho!

  • Coffee (in mah belly!)
  • Update blog (in progress!)
  • Pick up kitchen after Dustin and Shelby’s cookie-making last night
  • Remember not to let anyone make cookies in my kitchen unsupervised again
  • Unload dishwasher
  • Reload dishwasher
  • Clean sink
  • Scrub counters
  • Wipe stove
  • Clean coffee pot?
  • Laundry
  • Finish separating garage sale clothes for bringing to Texas
  • Organize gifts all over art room
  • Pick up art room
  • Pick up living room
  • Vaccum rug
  • Sweep everywhere
  • Spot mop
  • Cry some more over dead steam mop
  • Console self with Xbox time (Saints Row: The Third is totally the shizz!!!)
  • Dust
  • Pick up bedroom
  • Pick up bathroom
  • Fold clothes
  • Make The Husband do three things on this list (except cry or Xbox… well maybe cry, but only while doing something else)
  • Pick up Shelby from after school program (I will admit, twice in the last 3 weeks I have lost track of time and been late. I have not, as she likes to announce quite loudly, “forgotten all about having” her)

This is a pretty ambitious list, to be sure. I say, if I get… meh… 15? Sixteen things done? That would be pretty bangin’. The exterminator is coming for the bi-annual termite spraying, and I want to make sure the only ridiculous thing he finds is people who live in a brick house paying for it to be sprayed twice a year for termites.

What I think about every time I think about exterminators. If you know why, you get 1000 nerd points and a good firm pat on the ass the next time I see you.

If you have any requests for recipes, tips (yeah, I know, I’ve dropped that ball so bad that it’s deflated and I don’t even know where it is), etc etc, please do let me know! I’d love to have someone to blame for my content besides myself.

Oh. Right. I promised a funny picture last week, didn’t I? Well, how about:

And because the first picture is too ugly for my Facebook link, and the other is too long, here’s a picture of some baby toes:


No Updates Update

Wow, is that a tumble weed over there? Who knew a blog page could get dust on it? HOLY SH*T AN INTERNET SPIDER!

Yeah, it’s pretty dead here at the moment. My apologies for denying you all the considerable amount of awesome I tend to bring to those who read my words. Things are just hectic, crazy, ridiculous, <insert overly dramatic adjective here/>. If no sooner, you’ll find freshly typed sentences full of funny and profanity on Monday. But hopefully sooner. But probably not. But maybe.

So thank you for not forgetting TEA and moving on to another festive, salty mom blog. If you did move on though, it’s cool. We can work this out. I’ll share. I’m super modern like that. I’ve always been Bi-Bloxual anyway.

This entry is pretty lame, so here’s some hilarious parent FAIL as documented via Smart Phone:

Friday, Friday, Friday

[Note to self: When unable to come up with a witty title, repeating day of the week totally works. Got it.]

I am going to go make some coffee. I’ll be right back.

Excellent. Well, f*ckaroo, I left my glasses on top of the coffee pot. Brb.

Ok. Damn. Anyway. Good morning! While I was getting water for the coffee and looking at last night’s supper dishes in the sink, I realized that, Hey, I am a damn good cook, and that last night’s supper was totally awesome. I also realized that I have yet to post a freakin recipe here (other than the Hotdog Surprise one, which, honestly, is not really a real recipe). I further realized that my paper cut from last night still hurts like hell. But what I’m getting at here is that, much like cowbell, what this blog needs is more of is recipes. I mean, part of my thought process when coming up with this thing was that I cook 99% of days, and that daily blogging of  To-Do Lists + Recipe of the Day = Eleventy million dollars in endorsement deals and cookbook sales one day. So, I’m going to write out the recipe for last night’s dinner: Chicken Tikka Masala. (I’m not sure if that is even what this should be called, but that’s what I call it, and I fabricate the facts around here. Illuminati unicorns make the best ninjas!)

Chicken Tikka Masala

Chicken (Contain your astonishment!), cut into thin, short pieces for speedier cooking
1 can of tomato sauce
1/2 can of coconut milk
1 onion
Olive oil
Curry powder

You’ll notice that there are no real measurements. That’s because I like to play things fast and loose in the kitchen. Measuring things is for chumps. And people who are good at measuring.

Sauté the onions in a little oil with a little salt for about a minute, just to get things started. Cover for about another minute. (I guess you don’t have to, but I have a cool Rachel Ray pan with a glass lid, and I like the way the steam rises up when you open it. Like audience applause.) Add the chicken and cook until it’s no longer dangerous. (I’ve mentioned my raw chicken phobia, yes?) Add the tomato sauce, coconut milk and spices to taste. Simmer until it thickens a bit. You can add a slurry of cornstarch and water and simmer if you want the sauce to be thick. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Depends on whether I want to reach all the way into the cabinet and get the cornstarch or not.

Serve over rice, with spinach or lentils on the side. And naan! Indian bread is the best thing since sliced bread, and even better than that. HEB’s whole wheat, freshly made tortillas are also ridiculously fantastic with this, but they don’t have HEB in Louisiana because screw you, Hausewife, we’re Louisiana!

I really do have to scoot. The Husband just called to say hey I love you, it’s cold out here and oh yeah Henry has a vet appointment in 30 minutes. I’m still pants-less with no make-up. I don’t want the vet to go trying to give me a shot, so I gotta pound this thang out and get ready!

  • Make-up!
  • Chug this coffee like there’s wine and jewelry at the bottom!
  • Pants!
  • Take Henry to the vet
  • Wash sheets (I like to do them on the weekends anyway, but Henry apparently had an aneurism  and thought it was cool to lounge in our bed this morning. If there is one thing that does not fly in this house, other than paper airplanes I make, it is bulldogs in the bed.)
  • Load last night’s dishes that I didn’t really mean to tell you about into the dishwasher
  • Pick up the kitchen
  • Pick up bedroom
  • Pick up bathroom
  • Tidy living room (which has all the prestige of picking up, but with less actually getting done)
  • Prepare for late night Xboxing because Dustin is on a 24

Tomorrow I’m going to have a totally epic picture to go along with the post that I’m going to write to make up for not posting on Tuesday. No time to Google Image Search awesomeness! Must stop typing! Why can’t I stop typing! I know I’m making myself later! Okbye.

Grocery Shopping Is Serious Business

For real. Think about it: You are all that stands between your family and fast food or pre-cooked, frost bitten pot pies. (Not that there’s anything wrong with frozen pot pies, except that I got food poisoning from one once and they’re the devil.) It’s up to you to fill your loved ones’ bellies with nutritious, tasty sustenance without draining every last nickel from your bank account, which gets harder and harder, even if you aren’t opting for organic, free range everything. Sh*t’s gettin’ expensive. My favorite thing to bitch about is the cost of shredded cheese, which I clearly remember being $1.22 a bag when we first got married and is now up to $2.39* (I cleaned out my purse so I don’t have any recent receipts, but that sounds about right…). And don’t even get me started on milk. Why is the 2% the same price as the whole now? It makes me want to buy whole and dilute it myself. Except that that sounds like work and I try to avoid that at all costs. Dairy Pirates. (And yes, I know that the price of gas affects the price of milk and all of it’s offspring, but that does not make me feel less insulted.)

So anyway, grocery shopping. I take it seriously, I’m good at it, and I love it. Why can’t I get paid [not in Sonic drinks] to do this? It’s hard work (ugh, that word again!). I like what Ninja Mom had to say about it in her post (especially the part about unicorns and higher education). It’s true, though. You don’t just go in like “La la la. Ooo, mangoes! Mmm, Lil’ Smokies! Right on, peppermint schnapps!” and come out with things that will make anything other than digestive trouble. You have to scrutinize each item based on it’s nutritional merit and it’s cost. Not to mention having to make sure the dog also has food, the trash can has bags and there’s enough Excedrin PM to get through the week. You have to have a plan. Or, in my case, a two week meal plan, a list of ingredients- in order of their place in the store with annotations for things that may be bought at Dollar Tree or Sam’s for less- and my favorite technique, the bump. For every item I place in my basket I write down the price rounded up to the next dollar. I come out with my list looking all Beautiful Mind with columns of numbers all over it, but it works. I’m never surprised when I get to the register, and the final cost is almost always below what I estimated. The bump takes care of the tax, so there’s no OMGIDon’tThinkIHaveEnoughCash! panic at the register. The trick is to add those extra cents even for something that is .25 cents, because it will add up and compensate for that roast that cost $9.99.

Wow. That was way too much like math. I’m going to wash my mouth out with coffee and get started on:

  • Making more coffee!
  • Shower
  • Make-up
  • Hair
  • Clothing (even if I am going to Wal-Mart…)
  • Fine tuning of the grocery list
  • Go pay electric bill
  • Go get Sonic drink
  • Go to Sam’s
  • Get gas
  • Get nails filled
  • Go to Wal-Mart
  • Go to Dollar Tree
  • Come home and unload car
  • Put away cold stuff
  • Watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on DVR
  • Put away other stuff
  • One load of absolutely necessary Laundry
  • Unload dishwasher
  • Reload dishwasher
  • Make sure Pinterest is ok
  • Start supper

Almost forgot to pencil in some vodka in there somewhere.