Potato Chips: Breakfast of Champions

I love me some carbs. And I never buy chips because I will eat every last damn one of ’em before I even get the rest of the groceries unloaded (aside from tortilla chips, which are safe because if I don’t have queso or salsa they’re dead to me). Cheetos especially. Mmmm, Cheetos. My favorite. I can’t remember the last time I bought any, because I’d go into an orange dusted coma from lack of oxygen to my brain as I inhaled them straight out of the bag.

It's when you wake up naked in a bean bag chair with orange fingers that you know you have a problem.It’s when you wake up naked in a bean bag chair with orange fingers that you know you have a problem.

But Tuesday when I went to the store, I bought some store brand ridged potato chips (on sale for $1!), and, like any well-adjusted adult, I hid them from myself immediately upon entering the house, trying very hard to think of disgusting things while I was touching the bag (negative association WILL work one day…). But today I spotted the corner of the bag behind the fridge as I was coaching my coffee pot through the last few spurts of pre-readiness. I decided to play it coy. I casually strolled over, gently coaxed the bag from its hiding place and set it atop the microwave, so we could be face to face. I said hello, and asked if it came here often, to which it replied nothing. It too was being coquettish. I could contain myself no more and slowly tugged at the uppermost corners of the package, at which point I guess I got a little excited and ripped the bag down the side. Frak. Now the rest will be stale by noon. I took about 10 chips and did my best to reseal the bag and return it to it’s hidey hole, probably feeling a bit taken advantage of, but I don’t care because I’m the one who bought it and I have the receipt and don’t it ever forget it!

So now I’m eating chips and drinking coffee and life is the bomb. I did feel a little guilty before I ate that first chip, but then I remembered I’m an adult and that being an adult means I can eat whatever the hell I want for breakfast and if we had some ice cream I’d get a scoop just to prove a point! Point proving food tastes the best.

Before those empty, white-starchy carbs start making me eat my own fingers off, I’m going to hurry and lay out what I gotta get done today to ensure my continued kept woman status:

  • Pick up the kitchen
  • Unload the dishwasher
  • Do some laundry
  • Fold and put away laundry (if I could have a maid to do only two things, it would be to clean the baseboards and put the effing laundry away because I hate both those things equally)
  • Take out the trash and go get the dumpster from the curb
  • Clip coupons
  • Pick up the bedroom, including but not limited to:
    -Get all the Halloween costume stuff organized
    -Put away stray clothes that are clean but people don’t                                         know how to put back
    -Clean bedside tables
    -Clean the mirrors
  • I’ll probably check the guest bedroom to make sure no secret shenanigans have been taking place behind that closed door
  • Pick up the living room
  • Play some Xbox
  • Run extra gear, food, etc to Dustin at work
Unless I’m forgetting something not chore related, which is not only possible but likely, that should be it.  Oh, and I’m going to try to do a test run of the face painting I’m going to do for Halloween, so you can look forward to those pictures tomorrow! If it doesn’t flop, that is. Ooo, anticipation!

2 responses to “Potato Chips: Breakfast of Champions

  1. Stop seducing the food and be on Skype. We have WRITING to accomplish!

  2. lol But it’s just so tasty!…

    But yes. Shall we Skype a meeting on Monday? Let me know!

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