I love me some carbs. And I never buy chips because I will eat every last damn one of ’em before I even get the rest of the groceries unloaded (aside from tortilla chips, which are safe because if I don’t have queso or salsa they’re dead to me). Cheetos especially. Mmmm, Cheetos. My favorite. I can’t remember the last time I bought any, because I’d go into an orange dusted coma from lack of oxygen to my brain as I inhaled them straight out of the bag.
But Tuesday when I went to the store, I bought some store brand ridged potato chips (on sale for $1!), and, like any well-adjusted adult, I hid them from myself immediately upon entering the house, trying very hard to think of disgusting things while I was touching the bag (negative association WILL work one day…). But today I spotted the corner of the bag behind the fridge as I was coaching my coffee pot through the last few spurts of pre-readiness. I decided to play it coy. I casually strolled over, gently coaxed the bag from its hiding place and set it atop the microwave, so we could be face to face. I said hello, and asked if it came here often, to which it replied nothing. It too was being coquettish. I could contain myself no more and slowly tugged at the uppermost corners of the package, at which point I guess I got a little excited and ripped the bag down the side. Frak. Now the rest will be stale by noon. I took about 10 chips and did my best to reseal the bag and return it to it’s hidey hole, probably feeling a bit taken advantage of, but I don’t care because I’m the one who bought it and I have the receipt and don’t it ever forget it!
So now I’m eating chips and drinking coffee and life is the bomb. I did feel a little guilty before I ate that first chip, but then I remembered I’m an adult and that being an adult means I can eat whatever the hell I want for breakfast and if we had some ice cream I’d get a scoop just to prove a point! Point proving food tastes the best.
Before those empty, white-starchy carbs start making me eat my own fingers off, I’m going to hurry and lay out what I gotta get done today to ensure my continued kept woman status:
- Pick up the kitchen
- Unload the dishwasher
- Do some laundry
- Fold and put away laundry (if I could have a maid to do only two things, it would be to clean the baseboards and put the effing laundry away because I hate both those things equally)
- Take out the trash and go get the dumpster from the curb
- Clip coupons
- Pick up the bedroom, including but not limited to:
-Get all the Halloween costume stuff organized
-Put away stray clothes that are clean but people don’t know how to put back
-Clean bedside tables
-Clean the mirrors
- I’ll probably check the guest bedroom to make sure no secret shenanigans have been taking place behind that closed door
- Pick up the living room
- Play some Xbox
- Run extra gear, food, etc to Dustin at work